ik this is prob the wrong place to rant

but i just lost my grandfather, and esp being across the country from him and not being able to say goodbye in person just makes it so much harder to swallow with the guilt of not being there, esp with being an out of state college student who hasn't been home in over 3 months and not knowing the last time I was spending time with him and playing chess would be my final goodbye. Him also being a holocaust survivor and sacrificing so much for me to be where I am td is another hard pill to swallow.