All I want

Is to float in the middle of a calm, cool lake in the middle of the night, looking up at the stars while calm ambient music plays around me. Alone. I love being alone. I don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations. I can do what I want and live the way I want to live. All I’ve learned is that (most) people exhaust me. My social battery has been at 0 for so long and I desperately just want to disappear. But there’s some desire that keeps bringing me back here. Some need of having to log in and see what’s going on. I don’t have the energy to play games anymore. But I keep logging in. I love my friends on my friends list and beyond that, don’t get me wrong. I don’t know why I’m ranting to people on a game website. I don’t know why I’m treating this as my personal diary. I don’t know why I want to people to upvote this and expect them to care. I’m fine mentally. But I just love being… Alone. But maybe I want people to love me being alone. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to turn on my two fans full blast, go to zero-G mode in my bed, play space scenes, and listen to the piano version of Hillsong United’s Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) even though I hardly am a Christian anymore. I’m some sort of fucked up. But I wouldn’t be any other way. Good night.