top 5 weddings i'm against

5. amanda kimmel + whoever made her settle we lost a reality tv star with that one... whoever made her settle down and have a simple life in montana is a CRIMINAL that should be PERSECUTED. we needed the miss montana with dead fish pity eyes in our screens every 3 years getting to ftc and not getting a vote 4. sarah paulson + washed up hag freud would looooooove this shit... it's just mad weird to me. it's giving reverse lolita. what even is there to talk about here? how do you have anything in common with someone 30 years older? hello... 3. jennifer lopez + ben affleck are they still together? i dont think nobody cares at the end of the day... but it's mad weird. how u gon marry your situationship from 10 years ago HOMEGIRL YOU LOST YOUR GOD DAMN MIND. when the dick is that good to make you go back you CAN'T wear his ring. that's the ultimate red flag 2. mia goth + shia labeouf what in the fuck is this... is she being held hostage and we'll know the truth in 5 years from now? i don't know. is she lowkey masochistic and just enjoys having a painfully awkward relationship? 1. nicole franzel + victor arroyo as it was once said by a wise woman, i HATE weddings that the go-to song is cotton eyed joe. this mad evil lady took all of victor's personality and usually i'm on the women's side #feminism. but here i just can't. it's like watching a pearl lose it's shine. BONUS TRACK: aaron taylor johnson + his grandma baby the womb is barren... please do not insert in it. it's about to become sand and crumble. that woman should be kiking with your MOTHER. they should be having a tea pot congregation at thanksgiving. some real oedipus complex that although not fully wrong creeps me tf out. idk i just had to get these off my chest