tiny moment of vulnerability

About a year ago, I was living with someone I loved, and the relationship became deeply unhealthy. Eventually, I found the courage to tell my parents, and they helped me get out of that situation. Lately, I have been thinking about him more than I expected. I find myself missing him at times, wondering if he is okay, and then feeling confused for having those thoughts at all. It has been a year, and that relationship caused some of the hardest moments of my life, even contributing to complications during one of the most important surgeries I have had. It does not make logical sense to still care, but healing is not always linear. Sometimes it includes holding complicated feelings at the same time, even after harm.