Waiting game

Just wanted to give another update. Sorry for all the heavy posts lately, typing this out is kind of how I’m getting through it right now. Right now we’re basically just waiting. My mom had a heart attack and multiple strokes, and neuro and the other teams just want to see how she is if she wakes up. They’re giving her blood thinners, so we’ll know more day by day, which honestly feels like the worst kind of news. I hate just sitting in anticipation. They put a feeding tube in today, and had to get an IV specialist because her IVs keep blowing. It’s just… not looking great, but I’m trying to stay positive. It’s just really hard. I keep replaying everything in my head too. My mom has always been kind of dramatic, and it’s not out of character for her to not answer or do things that end up needing someone, usually my dad, to step in and “save” the situation. So when she didn’t answer, it didn’t immediately feel like an emergency. I stayed and finished a race before going to check on her. And now I can’t stop thinking about it. Like what if I had gone 20 minutes sooner. I know I can’t change it, but it’s going to haunt me for a long time.