can't sleep

Every time I log on, it feels like this massive, fast-moving ocean, but I'm mostly just drifting on the sidelines, barely even making a ripple. The site moves like a tidal wave with constantly new blog drama, community games, and endless currents to fight against. The top blogs usually make no sense, with references to events that everyone else seems to know about, without having to name names. Meanwhile, I'm just over here slowly treading water to gain points. My record in games is completely shipwrecked, and half the time it feels like my blog posts just sink straight to the bottom of the sea without anyone noticing. I am a ghost, unable to move on, and unnoticed by most, but still around haunting the place. It’s a weird contrast, especially when the old site went under and no one really remembers who you used to be before the wreck. You kind of have to learn to sail all over again from scratch, which is tough when you only have a tiny crew of a few close friends in your corner and you aren't the big whale constantly making waves or pulling focus. But even on nights like tonight when the catch is small, the routine of spinning the wheel and always getting 30 keeps me anchored. Maybe identity on a platform like this isn't about being the biggest fish in the high seas or having the perfect fish scales. Maybe it’s just the steady, quiet wake you leave behind. The random late-night comments, the few genuine connections you do have, and the fact that you keep casting your line anyway, that is the identity. Or honestly, maybe I'm completely overthinking things at 4 AM because I can't sleep, and I should probably just go find some memes before I go overboard. Some stones skip, some stones plop and send massive ripples, and other stones just sink quietly. And I am so stoned.